12 Core Principals to Emotional Sobriety:
A reflection on Dr. Berger’s 12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety
by Herb K.
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Reflections on
Dr. Berger's 12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety12 Core Principles to Emotional Sobriety
by Herb K. -
Core Principle One
Emotional dependency and immaturity interfere with personal growth and healthy relationships.
They are rooted in “attitudes and beliefs” reflected in unenforceable rules about life/reality, self, and others. -
Core Principle One
We incorrectly believe life/reality, our self, and others should conform and live up to our expectations.
This is our delusional relationship with life/reality. This is “our story”! -
Core Principle One
It derives from little or no experience of individuation/differentiation:
Essential Insight One:
We Are Unconscious; “Asleep Dreaming We Are Awake” -
Core Principle Two
Emotional autonomy and maturity come from a process of our incremental conscious decisions to change from environmental support to self support.
-
Core Principle Two
We take ownership of our responsibility to transition from external to internal motivation;
we establish an authentic relationship with life/reality, as it really is. -
Core Principle Two
This signals a process of differentiation:
Essential Insight Two:
We Begin to be Aware, to be Conscious; We Awaken. -
Core Principle Three
Emotional sobriety involves developing a healthy relationship with objective reality:
with our self; with others; with what life/reality really is -
Core Principle Three
Life/Reality is life/reality...but only 100% of the time!
It is not our story about it; we are powerless to change life/reality. -
Core Principle Three
This is a process of becoming grounded and centered:
Essential Insight Three:
We Accept Reality/Life, As It Really Is. -
Core Principle Four
We have the personal power and responsibility to know, to decide and to take action based on our perception of life/reality.
-
Core Principle Four
We are 100% responsible for the decisions we make and the consequences of the actions we take.
-
Core Principle Four
This is a process of realizing that we have free will and accepting the consequences of our actions:
Essential Insight Four:
We Take Personal Responsibility. -
Core Principle Five
Trouble doesn’t mean something is wrong. Trouble means something is very right – if we have awareness.
To the extent we are conscious, we do not take life’s/reality’s circumstances personally. -
Core Principle Five
Trouble is a signal or signpost that points to our next developmental step.
It is an invitation to grow by taking corrective actions. -
Core Principle Five
This is a process requiring perspective, humility and detachment that grants us insight. We accept life/reality as it is; embracing our own gifts and our limitations:
Essential Insight Five:
We Pay Attention and Change Perspectives. -
Core Principle Six
Emotional sobriety involves utilizing the “pause” between the Stimulus and Response: outside and inside ourselves.
-
Core Principle Six
We take responsibility for our own emotional wellbeing and learn to repair, comfort, and reward ourselves.
We have instincts and emotions that need our conscious management. -
Core Principle Six
This is a process of learned self regulation and experienced intuition:
Essential Insight Six:
We Begin to Grow Up. -
Core Principle Seven
We each have an emotional center of gravity that needs to be balanced within our true self – to have equilibrium – to be grounded and unshakeable.
-
Core Principle Seven
We don’t let others’ limited perception of us define who we think we are and how we act.
-
Core Principle Seven
With courage & humility, we seek guidance & accountability:
Essential Insight Seven:
We Show Up. -
Core Principle Eight
Emotional sobriety is produced by a practice of self examination.
“It is a spiritual axiom, that when we are disturbed, no matter the cause, there is something wrong with us” (12x12, Step 10). -
Core Principle Eight
We own the healthy and the unhealthy aspects of ourselves and our impact on others.
-
Core Principle Eight
We each have an organismic wisdom for self correction and for cooperation. Our desire to cooperate moves us to repair damage we cause others.
We develop the ability to create an accurate narrative for our lives and for our experiences. -
Core Principle Eight
This is a process of self‐regulation and growth, an inner drive for wholeness within and balance without:
Essential Insight Eight:
We Change Our Attitudes & Actions in Order to Change Our Outcomes & Consequences. -
Core Principle Nine
We become the determining force in our lives by accepting that we are ultimately 100% responsible for our life.
-
Core Principle Nine
We adopt: “NO ONE IS COMING!”
We adapt: “I am the one I am waiting for!” -
Core Principle Nine
This is a process of becoming our true self:
Essential Insight Nine:
We Live in Now – The Present Reality, As It Really Is! -
Core Principle Ten
Blame is irrelevant.
Instead of focusing on who we can blame for the trouble we are experiencing, we focus on what we can do to address our role in the trouble we are having; or at least, become aware of what we are doing to contribute to the problem. -
Core Principle Ten
We ask what we can do to find and implement a solution – a daily examination of personal consciousness.
-
Core Principle Ten
We practice: forgiveness – releasing them; atonement – releasing ourselves.
Blame disempowers us; taking responsibility empowers us. -
Core Principle Ten
Our vision is constructed from personal authenticity and rigorous integrity.
We say what we will do; and we do what we say. -
Core Principle Ten
This is a process of becoming congruent and developing our conscience:
Essential Insight Ten:
Self–Actualization. We Intend to Align Our Thoughts, Emotions, and Behavior with Life/Reality, as It Really Is. -
Core Principle Eleven
We claim our experience rather than allow our experience to claim us. We are deeply aware that the perceived problem may not be the real problem.
We accept that it is how we cope with problems – is actually the source of our suffering. -
Core Principle Eleven
Over time we become transparent, vulnerable and undefended.
We shift our concern to what we can do to find or contribute to a solution. -
Core Principle Eleven
We seek and find long term satisfaction, fulfillment, and contentment – experienced in:
Essential Insight Eleven:
Self–Realization.
We Practice Improving Our Consciousness and Our Understanding.
We ask: “How can I become more conscious?ʺ -
Core Principle Twelve
We discover and accept that life/reality has immutable principles that are non– negotiable.
We therefore search for creative adjustments or solutions to the difficulties that life/reality sets before us. -
Core Principle Twelve
Our job is to find the best way to meet life’s many personal challenges at the same time discovering how to be useful to those around us.
We communicate what we want with clarity; we collaborate with our partners as an ally; and we cooperate with integrity. -
Core Principle Twelve
We practice principles to guide us and always take the high road to a new freedom. This is emotional sobriety; this is Optimal Living.
We develop an experimental attitude towards life – seeking to discover new possibilities; making mistakes; learning from them; correcting them; never allowing our mistakes to define us. This is a process of adaptability. -
Core Principle Twelve
When we encounter trouble, we decide to add more self.
This is a process of being autonomous, vulnerable and resilient. -
Core Principle Twelve
We trust the best in us to act and speak for the rest of us – we rely on inspiration.
This is a process of integration and attunement. -
Core Principle Twelve
We then let the best in us speak and listen to the best in others: a process of integration of our independence and our interdependence.
-
Core Principle Twelve
We seek connectivity: organic relationships with individuals and community; maintaining personal integrity while experiencing unity.
A process of acquiring a personal sense of context, value, meaning, and purpose – expressed in compassion. -
Core Principle Twelve
We seek and find personal happiness in being other–centered: experienced in...
Essential Insight Twelve:
Self–Trancendence: We Practice Enlarging Our Compassion and Our Effectiveness – to be Helpful and Useful.
We realize: “WE are the ones THEY are waiting for!”
We ask: “How can I help?”
Loading...
-
Reflections on
Dr. Berger's 12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety12 Core Principles to Emotional Sobriety
by Herb K. -
Core Principle One
Emotional dependency and immaturity interfere with personal growth and healthy relationships.
They are rooted in “attitudes and beliefs” reflected in unenforceable rules about life/reality, self, and others. -
Core Principle One
We incorrectly believe life/reality, our self, and others should conform and live up to our expectations.
This is our delusional relationship with life/reality. This is “our story”! -
Core Principle One
It derives from little or no experience of individuation/differentiation:
Essential Insight One:
We Are Unconscious; “Asleep Dreaming We Are Awake” -
Core Principle Two
Emotional autonomy and maturity come from a process of our incremental conscious decisions to change from environmental support to self support.
-
Core Principle Two
We take ownership of our responsibility to transition from external to internal motivation;
we establish an authentic relationship with life/reality, as it really is. -
Core Principle Two
This signals a process of differentiation:
Essential Insight Two:
We Begin to be Aware, to be Conscious; We Awaken. -
Core Principle Three
Emotional sobriety involves developing a healthy relationship with objective reality:
with our self; with others; with what life/reality really is -
Core Principle Three
Life/Reality is life/reality...but only 100% of the time!
It is not our story about it; we are powerless to change life/reality. -
Core Principle Three
This is a process of becoming grounded and centered:
Essential Insight Three:
We Accept Reality/Life, As It Really Is. -
Core Principle Four
We have the personal power and responsibility to know, to decide and to take action based on our perception of life/reality.
-
Core Principle Four
We are 100% responsible for the decisions we make and the consequences of the actions we take.
-
Core Principle Four
This is a process of realizing that we have free will and accepting the consequences of our actions:
Essential Insight Four:
We Take Personal Responsibility. -
Core Principle Five
Trouble doesn’t mean something is wrong. Trouble means something is very right – if we have awareness.
To the extent we are conscious, we do not take life’s/reality’s circumstances personally. -
Core Principle Five
Trouble is a signal or signpost that points to our next developmental step.
It is an invitation to grow by taking corrective actions. -
Core Principle Five
This is a process requiring perspective, humility and detachment that grants us insight. We accept life/reality as it is; embracing our own gifts and our limitations:
Essential Insight Five:
We Pay Attention and Change Perspectives. -
Core Principle Six
Emotional sobriety involves utilizing the “pause” between the Stimulus and Response: outside and inside ourselves.
-
Core Principle Six
We take responsibility for our own emotional wellbeing and learn to repair, comfort, and reward ourselves.
We have instincts and emotions that need our conscious management. -
Core Principle Six
This is a process of learned self regulation and experienced intuition:
Essential Insight Six:
We Begin to Grow Up. -
Core Principle Seven
We each have an emotional center of gravity that needs to be balanced within our true self – to have equilibrium – to be grounded and unshakeable.
-
Core Principle Seven
We don’t let others’ limited perception of us define who we think we are and how we act.
-
Core Principle Seven
With courage & humility, we seek guidance & accountability:
Essential Insight Seven:
We Show Up. -
Core Principle Eight
Emotional sobriety is produced by a practice of self examination.
“It is a spiritual axiom, that when we are disturbed, no matter the cause, there is something wrong with us” (12x12, Step 10). -
Core Principle Eight
We own the healthy and the unhealthy aspects of ourselves and our impact on others.
-
Core Principle Eight
We each have an organismic wisdom for self correction and for cooperation. Our desire to cooperate moves us to repair damage we cause others.
We develop the ability to create an accurate narrative for our lives and for our experiences. -
Core Principle Eight
This is a process of self‐regulation and growth, an inner drive for wholeness within and balance without:
Essential Insight Eight:
We Change Our Attitudes & Actions in Order to Change Our Outcomes & Consequences. -
Core Principle Nine
We become the determining force in our lives by accepting that we are ultimately 100% responsible for our life.
-
Core Principle Nine
We adopt: “NO ONE IS COMING!”
We adapt: “I am the one I am waiting for!” -
Core Principle Nine
This is a process of becoming our true self:
Essential Insight Nine:
We Live in Now – The Present Reality, As It Really Is! -
Core Principle Ten
Blame is irrelevant.
Instead of focusing on who we can blame for the trouble we are experiencing, we focus on what we can do to address our role in the trouble we are having; or at least, become aware of what we are doing to contribute to the problem. -
Core Principle Ten
We ask what we can do to find and implement a solution – a daily examination of personal consciousness.
-
Core Principle Ten
We practice: forgiveness – releasing them; atonement – releasing ourselves.
Blame disempowers us; taking responsibility empowers us. -
Core Principle Ten
Our vision is constructed from personal authenticity and rigorous integrity.
We say what we will do; and we do what we say. -
Core Principle Ten
This is a process of becoming congruent and developing our conscience:
Essential Insight Ten:
Self–Actualization. We Intend to Align Our Thoughts, Emotions, and Behavior with Life/Reality, as It Really Is. -
Core Principle Eleven
We claim our experience rather than allow our experience to claim us. We are deeply aware that the perceived problem may not be the real problem.
We accept that it is how we cope with problems – is actually the source of our suffering. -
Core Principle Eleven
Over time we become transparent, vulnerable and undefended.
We shift our concern to what we can do to find or contribute to a solution. -
Core Principle Eleven
We seek and find long term satisfaction, fulfillment, and contentment – experienced in:
Essential Insight Eleven:
Self–Realization.
We Practice Improving Our Consciousness and Our Understanding.
We ask: “How can I become more conscious?ʺ -
Core Principle Twelve
We discover and accept that life/reality has immutable principles that are non– negotiable.
We therefore search for creative adjustments or solutions to the difficulties that life/reality sets before us. -
Core Principle Twelve
Our job is to find the best way to meet life’s many personal challenges at the same time discovering how to be useful to those around us.
We communicate what we want with clarity; we collaborate with our partners as an ally; and we cooperate with integrity. -
Core Principle Twelve
We practice principles to guide us and always take the high road to a new freedom. This is emotional sobriety; this is Optimal Living.
We develop an experimental attitude towards life – seeking to discover new possibilities; making mistakes; learning from them; correcting them; never allowing our mistakes to define us. This is a process of adaptability. -
Core Principle Twelve
When we encounter trouble, we decide to add more self.
This is a process of being autonomous, vulnerable and resilient. -
Core Principle Twelve
We trust the best in us to act and speak for the rest of us – we rely on inspiration.
This is a process of integration and attunement. -
Core Principle Twelve
We then let the best in us speak and listen to the best in others: a process of integration of our independence and our interdependence.
-
Core Principle Twelve
We seek connectivity: organic relationships with individuals and community; maintaining personal integrity while experiencing unity.
A process of acquiring a personal sense of context, value, meaning, and purpose – expressed in compassion. -
Core Principle Twelve
We seek and find personal happiness in being other–centered: experienced in...
Essential Insight Twelve:
Self–Trancendence: We Practice Enlarging Our Compassion and Our Effectiveness – to be Helpful and Useful.
We realize: “WE are the ones THEY are waiting for!”
We ask: “How can I help?”
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